Carmella has finally “graduated”! After 2 years of treatment, Carmella has just finished her last chemotherapy course.The closing of this chapter, however, is filled with mixed emotions and that she has finally “graduated” has yet to sink in.
Maybe because this joy we feel is new and has completely overwhelmed us.
Though it now seems ages since that September when Carmella was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, the memories of those early days remain vivid.
What started as a fever we never imagined was already leukemia. No one can forget the rapid loss in weight due to intensive chemo, the sleepless nights spent monitoring her neutrophil count constantly praying they would improve, the high grade fever that never leaves, the vomiting, the endless trips to the toilet even when there is nothing to move and then the falling hair.
It was the most excruciating 58 days of our life for we thought we were saying goodbye.
But she overcame the induction phase, where the bone marrow was removed through chemical means so a new, leukemia free marrow can regenerate. She then went on to complete the consolidation phase in which the doses were a little milder.
That was immediately followed by a year and a half of monthly trips for the blood tests, maintenance cycle chemo therapy confinement that lasts for days instead of weeks, quarterly lumbar punctures and bone marrow aspiration, home shots I have learned to administer. Though still painful procedures, they offered us hope. Fear has been replaced with promise.
During that year and a half, our lives has become synonymous with treatment. We wanted to be spontaneous in our plans but the rigid hospital schedules and the limitations of being a chemotherapy patient prevents us. We led structured lives. It has become our new normal.
And it has changed much of us. A simple sneeze or wheezing causes much alarm. A slight fever would bring us on the verge of tears. We are constantly on our toes. There is so much to consider even when we are already on holidays. Cecille noticed I have forgotten to relax. I laughed less.
But looking at Carmella these days, it seems almost impossible we nearly lost her. She has grown into a bubbly and a cheerful child. There is no trace of that tough battle she once had gone through and won. She has learned to balance herself on a bike.
Indeed, she has "graduated". She overcame.
I can again laugh more.....
