Maybe because I heard it often enough that New Year has subconsciously etched the word “resolution” in my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if soon a thesaurus search on the noun “resolution” will yield “New Year” as a result. It may have unknowingly turned into a tradition much like the New Year itself. Perhaps it is because of this, or the thought that 2010 is synonymous to me turning 52, that I suddenly found myself aware of flaws once accepted as a normal part of my unique personality. Flaw they maybe but they are what makes Roy this Roy. Cecille even thought they were cute. Once upon at time, that is.
It was while watching Carmella bike around the neighborhood recently that I caught myself yelling directions: stop there, watch the gutter, don't turn that way, you are going too fast, avoid the dog, etc.... But Carmella continued on, oblivious of this screaming father.
Since when did I turn into a Marine Drill Sergeant? Was I like this all along? Is this why Carmella has become more and more argumentative with me? Have I become a difficult person to deal with?
I am afraid asking Cecille because I already know what she will say: yes, you have become the stiff one and you are no fun.
I love hugging my daughter and I love it much when she would hug be back. But as she is growing up, I should expect that there will be less and less of the hugging back.
So I believe it is time I should try to work on being the gentle one, to drop all those Drill Sergeant paraphernalia from the year before and work on being the coolest Dad ever and to be hugged even more.
It is time to train my eyes to see all that is good, to choose seeing the battles we have won, the blessings, the healing and the friendships that came our way, over the anxiety brought by illness in the family.
It is time to appreciate the collective strength of this family and to always celebrate togetherness.
It is time to be grateful for each day that we have each other.
So, am I making a resolution here?
A goal for sure.
Photo credit: Chica and Jo@ Flickr
