I love writing, I love telling my
stories which is why I love this blog.
But life suddenly threw something so
heavy that stumped me, broke me. Nothing made sense. It was so
unreal.
October last year Cecille was
diagnosed with Stage 4 Adenocarcinoma. It is lung cancer at its
worst. The prognosis was severely devastating. It was life
interrupted. I lost all enthusiasm to write, to tell my story.
No symptoms. One day she was healthy,
the next they accidentally discovered this tumor as big as a tennis
ball in her right lung and metastasis has occurred. They took tissue
samples for biopsy on the nodules that has already grown on the base
of her neck. It spread even to her liver.
I tried to hold on to anything that
would make me understand but nothing above that which was dreadful
would come. Some relatives and friends from whom I was counting for strength were the
very ones insistent in finding out how soon all this will end. Some
even encouraging me to start sorting our affairs, to prepare for
the worst.
Cecille and I live healthy lives. We
never indulge on processed food particularly those that comes in cans.
We consume vegetables and fruits more than most close acquaintances. We
would rather eat in and enjoy our cooking than eat out. We have no
vices.
I bike till I drop while Cecille is
among the few in our village who does not take the trike from the
village main gate to our home preferring the good 150-meter walk.
We love life and have made it our
advocacy to help those who are stricken with cancer, those with less, those just wishing to have a little more time with ones they love.
Now it is Cecille who is sick. An irony.
This person, my reason for my writing, my inspiration,
my strength, is sick. I thought we were through with this sort of journey after Carmella. I thought we were done with the aches, the anxiety, the bouts with hopelessness. I thought I would never be afraid again. I wanted to be angry.
But there is so much goodness Cecille has brought into my life. She made me complete. She is my joy.
So I chose to believe.
"Look where you want to go next, and don't focus on the rocks and bumps immediately in front of you." as
one biker mom wrote in a mountain biking magazine I recently read.
“Look where you want to go
next.....” Indeed, it is not about the journey, with all its
struggles, but where Cecille and I wanted to be at the end of this
road.
So rather than be afraid, I chose to
focus on healing. Rather than be disturbed by the uncertain, I
chose to look, with enthusiasm, towards our plans and hopes.
Rather than doubt, I chose to believe.
Down this path, this particular gnarly
single track, I have chosen my line and I have committed.
I know I will see my self through.
-----------
As of this writing, Cecille is currently on her fourth chemotherapy session. Middle of February she will have another CT Scan to assess the progress of her treatment. Her last scan revealed that after two treatments the tumor has shrunk by 46% while most of the nodules have disappeared. We believe that come February we will see ourselves through.
