Super Dad

 Sometimes I just don't realize how much I try to be Super Dad. I found this out the other day during my weekly laundry encounter.

We do not own a modern load-and-leave washing machine, one that is peppered by buttons and has a mind of its own. Ours is the basic model that requires so much elbow grease for a really clean wash. Indeed, doing laundry in this house is one tough job.

Amazingly, as tough as it seems to be, in between this washing and rinsing contest I was able to prepare lunch, organized math and writing practice work for Carmella, checked her previous work, fix the bed, changed the sheets, wash the dishes, prepare the daughter for her bath, chat with her about recent discoveries, has set the table, watered the plants and do light dusting.

But in spite of the lack of focus on a particular task, my laundry will still turn out smelling clean and fresh. I must have been created to be good at this.

Recently my good friend Jon briefly experienced being in my situation. He is my biking mentor, my ride buddy and it was surprisingly enriching talking about housework with him while enjoying our favorite sport. I can sense his special joy in walking this particular mile for his family.

It was also during this time when I discovered that this man cooks a mean beef stew, something I would have not probably known if not for that moment of being in his zone when he did a Super Dad. A great mountain biker he is but being a good cook is a pleasant revelation. Indeed, we bring out the best that is in us when we give our best for others.

My brother in law once said that in his eyes I am a true hands-on dad and a morning of suds was all it took for me to really understand what he meant.

A lot of sacrifice is often needed to truly become a part of the weave called family. And perhaps, being a Super Dad, the one who covers as much as he can, the best he can while he can, is a route I am quite familiar with.

To all Super Dad's out there, may your tribe increase!

Photo Credit: www.superman-picture.com/logo/

Reflections

Carmella asked me the other day how long will it be when she turns 18.

I thought it will be good math exercise for her so we began counting the years, comparing the differences in age between her and her favorite cousins, and how old she needs to be before she starts trail riding with me. Homeschooling? Precisely.

Counting the years, however, also brings to mind the finite. As we were going over it, the math exercises made me reflect on my own mortality.

I will be turning 52 in a few months and Carmella 9 a month after me. It will be 9 more years when she turns 18 and perhaps another 8 when she gets married. The 9 may be a stretch but the next 8, if I make it that far, will be a milestone. It will be a great blessing to be there for that next 8 years.

Sadly, thinking about those numbers made me imagine what I might miss.

I may no longer be there during the best days of her life, when she begins fulfilling her dreams.

I may no longer be there when she deals with the stages of falling in love and then, finally, seeing her off to start a family of her own.

I may no longer be there to see her firstborn.

I may no longer be there to hear her children laugh, play with them, shower them treats and feel their love through their hugs.

I may no longer be there to tell them stories of their mom's courage as she fought Leukemia.

Sobering thoughts, really.

But sobering they may be, thoughts of the finite can also lead one to pursue a determined effort to treasure and make the most of what we have, of the time still at hand. Truly, they are more precious than gold.

I may only have the now, the now to cherish each and every moment Carmella is with me. But it will be my legacy, my gold.

Yes, mortality makes for even a greater reason to love, to make the most of life, to be forever thankful that I have what I have.

And making the most of my present I will.

Fiercely.

The Push

For the past week I was in a slump.

I was not thinking well.

I was feeling sorry for myself because my projects did not pan out as I hoped they would.

I had a hard time thinking of what to write in this blog, which is probably the consequence of the above.

I was not riding my bike as often as I want which really distressed me a lot.

And yesterday, I got my Electrocardiogram results. The doctor saw something that shouldn't normally be there and so requested an Echocardiogram. This compounded the sulking even more.

Yes, I was not a pleasant person to be with. Period.

Then this morning I came across a video of  the late Gabrielle Bouliane.

In the midst of all our heart aches and frustrations, truly, there is still so much to be thankful for.......

Photo credit: iiana@flicker

Of friends and friendships

After my last blog, I realized that I never really set big things for myself. Indeed, I never challenged myself worthy to be an example.

So the other day saw me finish my first 100 kilometers on my trusty mountain bike. It was total struggle. In fact, two days after the ride and it was still difficult having to sit. Everything was sore as sore can be.

But rise to the challenge I did.Yes there were moments of tremendous pain, of nearly giving up. But I pedaled and pedaled with all that I got.

It was also the first time I was out wearing cleats. I was clipped-in for most of the 100 kilometer trek. There was always the chance of falling over because I am, literally, attached to the bike. But fall I did not. That monkey is now off my back.

Looking back, I realized the one thing that shadowed all these: true friendship.

I was able to go clipless because a good friend gave me his pedal.

I made it clipped because another mate gave me a brand new pair of cleats to use with my new clipless pedal.

I never had problems with sweat running down my eyes because a buddy gave me a head gear that helps absorb sweat.

I was not the strongest and so I was constantly at the end. But everybody stopped to wait to check if I was alright.

I now know what else I am capable of accomplishing and will enjoy mountain biking even more because of friends who made sure I will make the most of this ride.

Finally, I made it through my first 100 because I have friends who rode with me to the finish.

And surely, I will achieve bigger things this year, both in and out of my chosen sport, because I am in the company of those who think I mattered.

Resolutions

Maybe because I heard it often enough that New Year has subconsciously etched the word “resolution” in my mind. I wouldn't be surprised if soon a thesaurus search on the noun “resolution” will yield “New Year” as a result. It may have unknowingly turned into a tradition much like the New Year itself.

Perhaps it is because of this, or the thought that 2010 is synonymous to me turning 52, that I suddenly found myself aware of flaws once accepted as a normal part of my unique personality. Flaw they maybe but they are what makes Roy this Roy. Cecille even thought they were cute. Once upon at time, that is.

It was while watching Carmella bike around the neighborhood recently that I caught myself yelling directions: stop there, watch the gutter, don't turn that way, you are going too fast, avoid the dog, etc.... But Carmella continued on, oblivious of this screaming father.

Since when did I turn into a Marine Drill Sergeant? Was I like this all along? Is this why Carmella has become more and more argumentative with me? Have I become a difficult person to deal with?

I am afraid asking Cecille because I already know what she will say: yes, you have become the stiff one and you are no fun.

I love hugging my daughter and I love it much when she would hug be back. But as she is growing up, I should expect that there will be less and less of the hugging back.

So I believe it is time I should try to work on being the gentle one, to drop all those Drill Sergeant paraphernalia from the year before and work on being the coolest Dad ever and to be hugged even more.

It is time to train my eyes to see all that is good, to choose seeing the battles we have won, the blessings, the healing and the friendships that came our way, over the anxiety brought by illness in the family.

It is time to appreciate the collective strength of this family and to always celebrate togetherness.

It is time to be grateful for each day that we have each other.

So, am I making a resolution here?

A goal for sure.


Photo credit: Chica and Jo@ Flickr

Have we forgotten how to have fun?

Yesterday I re-tweeted, emailed, posted in a local mountain bike forum and shared on Facebook a YouTube link about a mountain biker who thinks he has captured something eerie while riding at the Backbone Trail in Malibu, California.

An artist friend from New York and a fellow biker together with his office staff were spooked by the video. Some of my biking buddies who've seen it thinks that their nightly bike commute will now be more exciting.

But there are also friends and relations who believe the video is all fraud. Admirably, a couple of them even went deeply technical to explain their point. Which led me to ask: when did we become too serious?

Has the rush of CGI technology in movies made us overly suspicious of what is real and what is computer generated that we are now so determined than ever to answer all the “WHY's” in the world?

In his book Attitudes That Attract Success, Wayne Cordeiro mentioned that when we try to figure out everything, when we become so caught up in the details of life, before we know it, it is over and we missed the whole ride.

Maybe it's a fraud but do we have to do an autopsy on every event that passes our way? Do we have to have an explanation every time? Must I know why my daughter laughs the way she does?

Why do we insist on exhausting ourselves answering the “Why?” when a “Wow!” is all that is needed? Why can't we just enjoy the ride?

Or have we totally forgotten how to have fun?


Photo credit: Sismoon@flickr

Do I Want To Be Rich?

So many times I have been asked what is my goal or what do I want money to do for me. I must have answered in many different ways that I am already confused on what it is that I am really aiming for.

Lately a friend was explaining the value of financial intelligence and the popular view that through thorough understanding its concept can one truly achieve financial wealth. Names of John Maxwell and Robert Kiyosaki would occasionally pop up during our conversation. John Maxwell is someone I have grown to admire while Robert Kiyosaki is someone I am currently trying to know. But both, in my opinion, had already seen the "light".

It was a good talk in that it brought a lot of introspection. I went home and then to bed with the nagging question “How financially rich do I really want to be?” Which led to a night of severe tossing and turning.

Perhaps I would have slept better if from the start I was asking the question “Why do I want to be rich?” 

Is it to leave an enduring legacy that will continue on even when I am already gone and back to my Lord and Creator, a legacy akin to the Taipan's and the Mestizo's in our society?

Or is it so I can fulfill a purpose?

Rick Warren in an interview said that the very first thing he did after his success was to return all the salary he has received since he started as a preacher. He felt so liberated for having preached for free.

While it may be true that I long for a more comfortable life, one that will allow my family to lessen our dependence on public transport that insists on sitting ten people when it will only allow for 8, I will aim for nothing more than what will basically fill the need of this family. For basic means less and less means having more left to give.

Dave Navarro in his ebook 7 Steps To Playing A Much Bigger Game has defined value as being about what we can do for people who need what we can do.

If I can help a friend focus on things that he believes are good rather on things that disappoints and if it will help him move on full of hope, then I have provided value, I have fulfilled my purpose.

If I can ease a mother's aching heart towards a daughter so sick, then I have provided value, I have fulfilled my purpose.

And if being rich will help me achieve these and more, then I have answered my question.

Photo Credit: AMagill @ Flickr